Your face is a jimmy john
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
