Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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