when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
