Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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