I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
