tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
