I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize