I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
