Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
