If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Less talking, more tequila
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
