no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
