We're like a lot better than the average bears
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
