Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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