Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
