If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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