I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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