FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
