Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Your penis caused this!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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