i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
