she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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