i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
