Even the bartender felt bad for me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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