is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
