She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Still dying that you shit outside
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
