holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
birth control should be required to get into college
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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