So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
