I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
