i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
