So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
