I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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