it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
