I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
