well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
