Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
