That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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