ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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