is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize