I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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