Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's always time for handjobs
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
