3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
