just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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