You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
