it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
