hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
