Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
