i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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