whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
