Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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