she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
