I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
