Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
