I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
