The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
