my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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