I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
