I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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