This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
