YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
