For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
